He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
