I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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