He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
