he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
