I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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