I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He shit in the fireplace
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
