Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
