good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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