Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
