I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
