i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
