took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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