Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
NoShamevember. You game?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
