Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
