I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
