He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
