I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
