im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
