you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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