the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i think i have herpe
just one?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
