Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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