Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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