Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
