Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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