My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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