Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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