You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
