It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
