So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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