Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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