Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
there is puke in my bra ... again
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
