He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
