From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
