Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
