i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
