why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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