I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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