do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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