Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
