Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
