and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
