are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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