I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
