Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
