respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think a kid would responsible me up
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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