Already got asked if we're dating
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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