Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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