I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
