New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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