Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
