he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
