Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
